May 23

Why am I a drunk?

Why am I a drunk? It’s a question that is often asked on park benches, late nights in hotel bars or even in up market restaurants  often when the evening gets late or the morning begins. The Truth? Alcoholism has no respect for wealth, religion, creed, political bias, or class. I used to struggle with a proper answer, but as middle age has come upon me I think I have an inkling of an idea.

You see, when I was sober, I was really, really boring – I could talk all the right “business speak” and create “social rapport” but nothing would really have any congruence, or connection with anything I really believed in.

But t when I was drunk I believed I was fabulous – funny as hell, witty, sexy, Bruce Lee and the Boys are Back in Town and all rolled into one’.

And then I would wake up in the morning… OMG. The facade was just not sustainable, and I would beat myself up, suffering excruciating embarrassment at the thought of the idiot I felt I had been. And it wasn’t just the feeling of humiliation – financially, physically, medically and psychologically, I knew that I just couldn’t do it anymore.

At the time I wished I could, but I now realise that nothing lasts for ever – the party has to end in the end. Just ask Keith Richards, George Best, Robin Williams or Richard Harris.

It’s a bummer, but it’s true and if you embrace the grim truth it might just save your job, your marriage, your kids, your finances, your feelings of self-worth, and maybe even your life.

The insidious nature of alcohol will lead it to try and convince you that you can have “just one more”, but deep down inside we all know that as an alcoholic, that just isn’t true.

But then, neither is the warped notion that alcohol turns us into superhuman beings, and that there are no consequences to ‘out of control’ drinking. That’s just a couple of the lies that alcohol sold me – but it doesn’t have to be that way and that’s where I will be keeping my focus for today.

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